Todays post is about listening to our wisest self... you know the self who is always with us but is often not heard. In order to hear our wisest self, we need to stop, check in, listen and ask small internal questions which always give us an answer. What does your wisest self look like? How does she sound? What does she embody? Does she remind you of anyone? What wise and nurturing words does she have for you?
I have done up my small journal page today with some answers my wisest self wants me to hear.
Take this morning for instance. I woke early, irritable from lack of sleep last night. I was cold due to the superser heater running out of gas, and unsettled because my daughter has been out of sorts and a little unwell. My back hurt and I was missing my husband as well as still having a few problems with Greek grandmother/my new grandson. With all these different emotions flying around out of control, I was ready to pack my suitcase and fly home to the UK. I asked a friends husband to come round to undo the blasted nut on the heater, the cats were meowing louder than ever, a dead bird was outside the back door, and I realized I had dyed my few remaining white clothes retrieved from a rat invaded suitcase at my daughters, blue. I had put a black hat in with the wash. Things were not going well.
I braced myself for the trip to crazy main town Argostoli for more shopping, a hair dye and some colour remover, and a new gas bottle. Hitting the supermarket just outside Argi I decided I just couldnt face it. So I got my shopping and returned home, filling the car up with petrol and grabbing a new gas bottle on the way. Once indoors, I quickly put the blue whites in soak, fixed a quick sandwich, chucked an apple in my bag and set off again. I was on my way to put a 'FOR SALE' sign on my old pre-eathquake house in the mountains about 30mins away. Thought I felt ok about selling.
As I started getting higher in the hills my spirits began to lift. I stopped at the side of the road to watch two huge buzzards circling really close above me and the car. I felt my 'wild horses' begin to calm down. I looked down on the shimmering blue sea - an impossible colour blue - and felt my soul beginning to sing.
Calling at my house with just the goat bells and birds as background noise, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, beauty and serenity. I nearly cried it was so deep, so touching and just wonderful. I don't think I want to sell it!
After spending several minutes just sitting and enjoying the peace, I decided to move on through the mountains, pick up the coast road and go on to a favorite seaside place for a coffee. The joy being the empty roads, magnificent snow capped mountains, and the sparkling clear blue sea. I passed a Greek Mountain man herding his goats - unusually good looking I mused, it must be the sun and me missing my husband...my spirits were definitely lifted as I continue the drive! The wild horses weren't so wild now.
Having gone from an emotional wreck this morning to reconsidering coming back more permanently to Kefalonia, I knew I needed to ask some deep questions of my wisest self. What would I do? How could I live here without a sense of belonging which I have never felt I have experienced? Could I live quite a singular existence? Would I earn a living? Where would we get the money from to do up the house? Can I let the house go or is something waiting for me in the wings? I know I can never let go of wanting to open a healing space, a creative place for women to come and just be. Be themselves, be enough, be rejuvenated, be relaxed and be loved. Wow what a difference in mood.
I enjoy my coffee, write this post, read some John O'Donohue and feel really warm sun on my skin. It is bliss. I can't believe this is Feb in Kefalonia. Has the past week really been that bad, I ask myself. Where have I been passing judgments? When have I forgotten to take myself lightly? What is so bad about being alone with myself? I ponder these questions as I leave beautiful little Agia Efimia and make my way back.
Now I just need to remember this process of reigning in my emotions before I allow them to charge out of control. I can remind myself to check in regularly and give myself a little 30 second window to ask the important questions. Answers will come. My mind will be pacified if not nurtured to a kinder place. I will remind myself to laugh more, play often and go lightly.
What do you do when you want to master your emotions. What's your wisest self trying to tell you?
What part of your dream are you already living? Do share!