Finishing up in Greece...for a little while

Having come to the end of my eight weeks in Kefalonia, and now returned to the UK and Mr Gorgeous, I have had time to reflect and ponder on the great, good and sad bits and what I am grateful for.

What I have heartbreaking in parts is leaving my delicious two year old grandson Spiro and my five month pregnant daughter. That's hard as a mum and grandma.  Also, leaving the utter peace and tranquillity of my surrounds in the mountains and on the edge of a very Greek village, where my days have taken on a natural rhythm, born of a bygone age, where one was guided by nature and the seasons.  I've relished the blissful sound of silence, the stillness of blue sky afternoon and the soft lapping of a clear blue sea, having the while pebble beach all to myself while more sensible locals enjoyed the shut eye of an afternoon siesta.  I am missing the slow lazy smile of delight and the sound of pleasure in my grandsons voice when he says Amar (his name for Grandma) in a deep growl which belies his young age. And I am also missing the evening ritual of waving to the three old folk who sit in the same place at the same time each evening in a very high mountain village and wave as I pass by shouting Yassou couklamoo, it makes me feel very loved and happy!  I shall miss the shouting, the wildness, the raw energy of the hard but real way of life which assaults all the senses ranging from the amazing highs when your soul is fed on smells, sights, sounds around every bend and the deep lows, of feeling isolated, lonely, unfriended at times and wondering what the hell is going on as every day brings a new drama.  And at home now, I am missing a dear friend Anne who makes me smile every time I am in her company.  She is very beautiful, down to earth and inspiring and I adore her.

I am however, deeply grateful to see Mr Gorgeous again and jump into bed each night to feel safe, secure and loved in his heartfelt embrace.  I am looking forward to seeing some of my lovely customers who buy my little artful treasures on Ely Craft and Collectible Market.

And I am really looking forward to seeing my lovely mum who has been very poorly in hospital, she is on the mend but we are very lucky she is still with us. It makes you realise how important our loved ones are.  I had a great conversation this morning with my best friend Aunt D who I love more than life itself and I am in deep gratitude that I was able to sit and natter with her for well over an hour in the comfort of my little dolls house barn in Burwell amongst the trees and in the fens.  I'm also looking forward to reconnecting with some of my very close friends who have always loved and supported me in whatever I have endeavoured to do, they are few but very precious and best of all I am so excited to be seeing my son Dan Canham's latest production which has had wonderful reviews and is a tender and soul reaching piece of musical dance theatre entitled Ours Was The Fen Country which by all accounts is really touching peoples souls.  He is a treasure and a delight and I am so looking forward to seeing that next week and him of course!

So all in all I am blessed and grateful to be so lucky to be able to live and work in both countries, the fantastic and amazing wild crazy island of Kefalonia and the slow fenland pace of Burwell with my little barn and the sounds of the fen swirling all around me.  Of course I make sacrifices in order to do this, and live extremely mindfully, carefully and artfully in order to have enough money for the bare basics sometimes.  I appreciate this would not be a way of living for everyone but it is for me, and with the small amount I earn from my artwork here in the UK and the small amount I earn from my Breathe In Space retreats in Kefalonia and (a few one offs here) I can manage to get to spend time in both places and enjoy the things that are really important to me. So I am managing just, to do what I love; making art, living some of the time on a Greek Island, meeting lovely people at the UK art and craft fairs whilst appreciating all that nature has to offer in the way of clear blue seas, black night skies, twinkling lantern stars, baby goats at my door and the deep rich soil of the fen as it whispers its stories for me to write my small stone poems and blog posts like this one.

Yes, both my spaces give me a place to breathe, time to reflect, a space to create and the chance to clear my mind of the inconsequential, the unimportant, the mundane and the no longer needed stuff to make room for the hopeful stuff, the mindful moments, the sparkly opportunities that wait in beckoning wings, the glittery moments and the happy dots that make up this feeling of wonderful abundance.  I have peace...I am lucky.  I am loved and bit by bit each day I know I am enough.  I have made friends with my imperfect bits, the saggy parts, the wrinkled places and I smile more these days, I belly laugh more, I giggle a lot.  I know what is important.  I am thankful for that knowledge.  I am on a journey of self healing, self love and making life as beautiful as I can for both me and all that step into my little sparkly circle of love and abundance.  What do you know now that you always did know but just didn't remember?  I'd be interested to hear from you :-) xx Big love and sparkles as always x

Post Retreats!

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion."

[The Minotaur]” 
― Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays

It's been great to get back to doing some writing and a little dabble with the paints and glitter again.

The lovely people who have been and gone over the past six weeks on their individual Breathe in Space Retreat have been delightful and I have thoroughly enjoyed working with them.  Cooking lovely meals has been a pleasure and showing them around this wild and wonderful island of Kefalonia has been magical.

(Tzanata where we have our retreat)

We've really had a mixed bunch of lovelies!  Some self guiders who just wanted rest and restoration and another lovely woman who wanted time out to take photos for a college course she was taking, whilst being nurtured and looked after.  We had a beautiful soul who was on a very personal journey which was both brave and incredibly difficult and a really intriguing lady who was here for some shamanic soul work, it was a joy to see her attune to the islands energy so quickly.  Not forgetting of course the gorgeous man who wanted a space to get off the fast food merry go round and reaquaint himself with his tastebuds for good fresh non processed food.  He also used the space beautifully to journal, mediate, immerse himself in nature, swim and even do a little artwork (Thank you for your lovely offering!)  You can read more on my website if you are interested in seeing what we've been up to.

It was at times hard work, both emotionally and physically and as ever with each and every guest, I always learn something, either what I need to know right now, something about myself or some other way to do something differently.  All in all it was just great having all of the very diverse people us our little home as their get away from it for a short while.  In one's and two;s the space worked well enough, the weather was incredibly kind to suit all comers, the birds chirped, the bee's buzzed, trees rustled with a warm summer breeze and the sea was just about warm enough for a fresh dip!   And the picnics we shared in special places were just delicious....we made medicine wheels on the beach, labyrinths in the sand, sang our way through the mountains, had an adventure or two, witnessed beautiful sunsets and listened to waves lapping gently against the shore as we ate out under a twinkling black sky.

Secrets were shared, wine was sipped, rune stones picked, numbers analyzed and cards read.  Laughter prevailed, giggles abound, some tears mopped lovingly up, snoozes in the hammock and mountain journeys back home by a huge yellow moon.  Lots of precious moments to recount and remember.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude for each and every kind sweet soul who put their faith and trust in a Kefalonia Island, a little house in the mountains and me....I like to think they went home rested, rejuiced, restored and very relaxed.

I am now enjoying a little art time, a little solitude,some extra special moments with my beautiful daughter and my too gorgeous for words grandson, before returning back to the UK to bring some new artful treasures to my patient customers. Not forgetting of course to be reunited with my most gorgeous Mr D whom I have missed in a way like never before.

I shall reconnect with this most magical, timeless place again in July for another month of 1:1 and 1/2 person retreats and a week of all or stand alone artful treasures workshops, including journaling, visionboarding, mixed media, intuitive art, heartful jewellery play glitter and some lovely lunches. 

This week is doing me good - I am restoring lots of little patches that need attention and am renewing my creative energy.

Sadly the Kefalonian weather is pants at the moment!

Just out of interest - what would you most benefit from if you were to come to Kefalonia for a Breathe in Space Retreat?

Answers on a postcard please...only joking the comments box on the blog will do nicely!

What makes something ok?

Continuing with my creative soul journey here on Kefalonia whilst enjoying the new grandma role, I had a realization as Mr M would say, and thought I would blog about it.

I had my lovely daughter round for a coffee earlier this week and as I watched her struggle with the new and strange emotions she was experiencing as a new mum, I thought about how I felt as a new Gran.  We have all sorts of fabulous books to help us do the 'right' things with babies, cots, food anything you want.  But there's very little out there about emotions and how they play havoc with your 'normal' self.

An old friend of mine from the Island also joined us and a good friend of my daughters too.  As we sat there chatting, laughing, sharing and getting rid of angst as only a close group of women can do in a light hearted way, I realized just how much women need this gathering.

I was brought up in the last throws of the coffee morning and secret sherry afternoons.  If I wrangled a day off school I was treated to the gathering of my mums friends at her house, playpen in the corner, toddlers plopped down together, babies settled in prams - usually well wrapped up and outside - and friends settling down with lots of tea, coffee or sherry if it was afternoon gathering, ready for a really good off-load.   These women instinctively formed their space, naturally gathered to share, took the soothing balm on offer from others, the sympathy, empathy and dished out their own in equal measures.

I realize now that these gatherings were more than just an opportunity to gossip.  There was real nurturing going on.  This was motivational and inspirational stuff - it just wasn't packaged like that.  These women had found their rhythm, they were in their stride and dealing with whatever life had to throw at them.  They didn't have money for therapists, treatments or the latest new age gizmo - all they had were each other and it seemed to do the trick very well.

I never had this when I became a mum.  I was determined to carry on with my business which was a cafe/restaurant at the time.  I wanted to have it all, be it all and slightly scorned my mum's stay at home lifestyle.  I wanted to give my kids everything, drama lessons, singing lessons and all the stuff I never had.  I did with my husband give them all of those things.  My son is now a fine actor/dancer and my daughter a confident young mum who has successfully run her own restaurant for several years.  But as I sat watching my daughter struggle with 'doing the right thing' for her baby, I wondered about the cost we pay for being modern mums without a safe circle to air our worries, concerns and grievances.  I know there are groups and networks but I'm talking about a place where women can just be their natural selves, warts and all.  Motherhood is full of previously unknown concerns.  I didn't know just how concerned I would feel about my daughter, she couldn't know how scared/concerned/worried she would feel about her role as a mum.  I now know my mum's friends all had the same concerns, the difference being they were able, through their little afternoon sherry sipping or morning coffee meetings, to keep their worries to a minimum - they nipped them in the bud.

Having a coffee on the terrace this day was an eyeopener for me.  I unexpectedly was given some soothing balm by my old friend.  She reassured me that she had felt exactly the same when her daughter had her first baby.  She went through much of what I had and still am feeling.  The emotional tears, hormonal outpourings and uncertain feelings.  I cant say how much better I felt just having heard that.  I was trying to be the super strong mum, grandma and all things to all people and my friend in her empathy made it very easy for me to feel ok with it all.  I am deeply grateful.  I am not alone with any of it.  I belong again.

I thought deeply about all of this when everyone had gone.  I now appreciate how fantastic my mum had been when I had both of my children.  How wise she was to let me make my own mistakes but also to be there to catch me when I wobbled.  She was kind, gentle and loving which is absolutely what I needed and what all new mums need.  I never ever considered how my mum must have been feeling.  She never let me know - she knew I had enough on my plate.  What I do know is she will have discussed her fears and worries with her friends over coffee  or a drink.  I will give my mum a big hug when I next see her.  I will tell her Thank You from the bottom of my heart.  She still has dreams my mum. She got a lot from making her dreamboard.

As I look over the calm blue ocean, I am grateful to an old friend for soothing my perplexed soul and helping me to go forward in my quest to help, nurture, inspire and share hope with other women.  So today I remind myself to honour my womanhood, listen to the whispers of my heart and to know my rhythm.  And to say thank you to a friend for helping me to feel OK.

What makes you feel OK?  What do you need to hear?  What would you like to see?  What do you need to know?  Are you in your rhythm or out of it?  What do you love and what would would help you love it more?

Twenty One Day Creative Soul Journey

I am in Kefalonia - Island of Dreams, Delusions and Drama!  I have come to see my beautiful daughter, her brand new baby, my first grandson and to revisit my past on this stunningly gorgeous island.  My son has been with me for the first week.  It was wonderful.  It has been an emotional roller-coaster, one I haven't fully been able to ride with ease.  Does one ever ride an emotional roller-coaster with ease?

I am a woman who operates from a place of honesty, a place of basic necessity.  With me what you see is what you get.  I'm not great with mind games, intrigue, manipulation or needing to be right/center stage/best.  I try to concede with good grace.  This first week I have had to face all of the previously mentioned stuff.  It hasn't been easy.  I have had to, for the sake of my daughter, understand the whole Greek Grandmother knows best.  The forty days thing - I don't have 40 days here with my daughter.  I thought I would be a huge help.  I'm not.  She has her husbands family around every day.

I am really unsure what exactly my role is here.  My husband wants me to come home.  I know I have to stay - I'm just not sure exactly why, but I am staying for the month.  I know I can be the quiet support my gorgeous daughter needs.  The loving arms in the background with no judgement attached to the hands.  I know I can offer her a safe haven if she chooses to use it, if only for a tiny moment in this new and wondrous journey of hers.  I have run the gauntlet of emotions this past week - huge highs where my heart has felt like it would burst with love, with appreciation of the beauty of this place, of pride in seeing my daughter grow into a marvelous mother, in joy at my son's quiet but strong demeanor, his reassuring presence and his grounding energy.

I have felt lonely, painfully alone, missing my husband and the warmth of my UK home.  I have also felt a pure peace, writing, journaling, painting whilst looking an impossibly blue sea, tiny fishing boats on the vast ocean and the lure of the next island beckoning on the almost touchable island opposite.  I haven't slept well, yet on one occasion have slept the deepest sleep I've had in ages.  This is a strange and bewitching island and just when you think you can't stand another minute of stubborn island life, something amazing happens and everything changes.  It just add's to my emotional confusion.  That said I must not forget why I have come.  Last night was magical.  I fed my little grandson and laid him on my ample bosom!  He slept happy and contented for the next three hours until I left for home.  What a beautiful and touching few hours that was.

And so, putting everything else aside.  I have decided to make good use of the next 21 days and walk my own Creative Soul Journey.  I will be journaling, art making, poetry writing and taking photos of anything that is relevant, inspiring, soul feeding and good for my creative soul.  I hope you will join me....

Today is DAY ONE:  My journal entry is entitled 'What do I Need for the next 21 Days'  Please feel free to join me on a day or several days and post your own thoughts, pictures and comments I will honor them as though they were my own....

So I'll ask you my question..."What do YOU need in your life to feel complete/at ease/content/happy/motivated or any other feeling you want to feel?"   Post your answers and lets see what we need as 'human beans all in the can together!'
Happy Days   x D