Finishing up in Greece...for a little while

Having come to the end of my eight weeks in Kefalonia, and now returned to the UK and Mr Gorgeous, I have had time to reflect and ponder on the great, good and sad bits and what I am grateful for.

What I have heartbreaking in parts is leaving my delicious two year old grandson Spiro and my five month pregnant daughter. That's hard as a mum and grandma.  Also, leaving the utter peace and tranquillity of my surrounds in the mountains and on the edge of a very Greek village, where my days have taken on a natural rhythm, born of a bygone age, where one was guided by nature and the seasons.  I've relished the blissful sound of silence, the stillness of blue sky afternoon and the soft lapping of a clear blue sea, having the while pebble beach all to myself while more sensible locals enjoyed the shut eye of an afternoon siesta.  I am missing the slow lazy smile of delight and the sound of pleasure in my grandsons voice when he says Amar (his name for Grandma) in a deep growl which belies his young age. And I am also missing the evening ritual of waving to the three old folk who sit in the same place at the same time each evening in a very high mountain village and wave as I pass by shouting Yassou couklamoo, it makes me feel very loved and happy!  I shall miss the shouting, the wildness, the raw energy of the hard but real way of life which assaults all the senses ranging from the amazing highs when your soul is fed on smells, sights, sounds around every bend and the deep lows, of feeling isolated, lonely, unfriended at times and wondering what the hell is going on as every day brings a new drama.  And at home now, I am missing a dear friend Anne who makes me smile every time I am in her company.  She is very beautiful, down to earth and inspiring and I adore her.

I am however, deeply grateful to see Mr Gorgeous again and jump into bed each night to feel safe, secure and loved in his heartfelt embrace.  I am looking forward to seeing some of my lovely customers who buy my little artful treasures on Ely Craft and Collectible Market.

And I am really looking forward to seeing my lovely mum who has been very poorly in hospital, she is on the mend but we are very lucky she is still with us. It makes you realise how important our loved ones are.  I had a great conversation this morning with my best friend Aunt D who I love more than life itself and I am in deep gratitude that I was able to sit and natter with her for well over an hour in the comfort of my little dolls house barn in Burwell amongst the trees and in the fens.  I'm also looking forward to reconnecting with some of my very close friends who have always loved and supported me in whatever I have endeavoured to do, they are few but very precious and best of all I am so excited to be seeing my son Dan Canham's latest production which has had wonderful reviews and is a tender and soul reaching piece of musical dance theatre entitled Ours Was The Fen Country which by all accounts is really touching peoples souls.  He is a treasure and a delight and I am so looking forward to seeing that next week and him of course!

So all in all I am blessed and grateful to be so lucky to be able to live and work in both countries, the fantastic and amazing wild crazy island of Kefalonia and the slow fenland pace of Burwell with my little barn and the sounds of the fen swirling all around me.  Of course I make sacrifices in order to do this, and live extremely mindfully, carefully and artfully in order to have enough money for the bare basics sometimes.  I appreciate this would not be a way of living for everyone but it is for me, and with the small amount I earn from my artwork here in the UK and the small amount I earn from my Breathe In Space retreats in Kefalonia and (a few one offs here) I can manage to get to spend time in both places and enjoy the things that are really important to me. So I am managing just, to do what I love; making art, living some of the time on a Greek Island, meeting lovely people at the UK art and craft fairs whilst appreciating all that nature has to offer in the way of clear blue seas, black night skies, twinkling lantern stars, baby goats at my door and the deep rich soil of the fen as it whispers its stories for me to write my small stone poems and blog posts like this one.

Yes, both my spaces give me a place to breathe, time to reflect, a space to create and the chance to clear my mind of the inconsequential, the unimportant, the mundane and the no longer needed stuff to make room for the hopeful stuff, the mindful moments, the sparkly opportunities that wait in beckoning wings, the glittery moments and the happy dots that make up this feeling of wonderful abundance.  I have peace...I am lucky.  I am loved and bit by bit each day I know I am enough.  I have made friends with my imperfect bits, the saggy parts, the wrinkled places and I smile more these days, I belly laugh more, I giggle a lot.  I know what is important.  I am thankful for that knowledge.  I am on a journey of self healing, self love and making life as beautiful as I can for both me and all that step into my little sparkly circle of love and abundance.  What do you know now that you always did know but just didn't remember?  I'd be interested to hear from you :-) xx Big love and sparkles as always x

Post Retreats!

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion."

[The Minotaur]” 
― Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays

It's been great to get back to doing some writing and a little dabble with the paints and glitter again.

The lovely people who have been and gone over the past six weeks on their individual Breathe in Space Retreat have been delightful and I have thoroughly enjoyed working with them.  Cooking lovely meals has been a pleasure and showing them around this wild and wonderful island of Kefalonia has been magical.

(Tzanata where we have our retreat)

We've really had a mixed bunch of lovelies!  Some self guiders who just wanted rest and restoration and another lovely woman who wanted time out to take photos for a college course she was taking, whilst being nurtured and looked after.  We had a beautiful soul who was on a very personal journey which was both brave and incredibly difficult and a really intriguing lady who was here for some shamanic soul work, it was a joy to see her attune to the islands energy so quickly.  Not forgetting of course the gorgeous man who wanted a space to get off the fast food merry go round and reaquaint himself with his tastebuds for good fresh non processed food.  He also used the space beautifully to journal, mediate, immerse himself in nature, swim and even do a little artwork (Thank you for your lovely offering!)  You can read more on my website if you are interested in seeing what we've been up to.

It was at times hard work, both emotionally and physically and as ever with each and every guest, I always learn something, either what I need to know right now, something about myself or some other way to do something differently.  All in all it was just great having all of the very diverse people us our little home as their get away from it for a short while.  In one's and two;s the space worked well enough, the weather was incredibly kind to suit all comers, the birds chirped, the bee's buzzed, trees rustled with a warm summer breeze and the sea was just about warm enough for a fresh dip!   And the picnics we shared in special places were just delicious....we made medicine wheels on the beach, labyrinths in the sand, sang our way through the mountains, had an adventure or two, witnessed beautiful sunsets and listened to waves lapping gently against the shore as we ate out under a twinkling black sky.

Secrets were shared, wine was sipped, rune stones picked, numbers analyzed and cards read.  Laughter prevailed, giggles abound, some tears mopped lovingly up, snoozes in the hammock and mountain journeys back home by a huge yellow moon.  Lots of precious moments to recount and remember.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude for each and every kind sweet soul who put their faith and trust in a Kefalonia Island, a little house in the mountains and me....I like to think they went home rested, rejuiced, restored and very relaxed.

I am now enjoying a little art time, a little solitude,some extra special moments with my beautiful daughter and my too gorgeous for words grandson, before returning back to the UK to bring some new artful treasures to my patient customers. Not forgetting of course to be reunited with my most gorgeous Mr D whom I have missed in a way like never before.

I shall reconnect with this most magical, timeless place again in July for another month of 1:1 and 1/2 person retreats and a week of all or stand alone artful treasures workshops, including journaling, visionboarding, mixed media, intuitive art, heartful jewellery play glitter and some lovely lunches. 

This week is doing me good - I am restoring lots of little patches that need attention and am renewing my creative energy.

Sadly the Kefalonian weather is pants at the moment!

Just out of interest - what would you most benefit from if you were to come to Kefalonia for a Breathe in Space Retreat?

Answers on a postcard please...only joking the comments box on the blog will do nicely!

Glitter Grandma

Ah bliss...the view that greets me each morning and evening from my balcony if I had springs in my feet I could just jump down and I am on the beach!

I was going to write about having a cheering committee today, well ages ago actually but life got in the way.  Anyhow, that post has been shelved for next time due to an amazingly HUGE very longed for happening...

Today (a few days ago now but the message is the same) my wonderful daughter said to the Greek In Laws who guard the baby better than the most expensive security firm ever could, 'my mother is taking the baby for a few hours today'.     Silence.  Shock.  Horror..   After four torturous days of having a five minute hold before Greek Grandma (Yia Yia for future reference) Grandfather (Papu)  Husband, Nephew or tourists have whisked him away to be coo'd over, fawned over, idolised, declared a mini god, fed everytime he blinks, bleats or hiccups and generally paraded round the little fishing village, beach, tavernas like a glittering prize to be adored and more than admired.  They are all very proud I understand that, I am trying so terribly hard to not feel distressed.  And although I write this somewhat tongue in cheek - it is very difficult and pretty hellish for my lovely daughter who is trying so hard to put her boundaries as a new mum in place, do her waitressing job at the family restaurant, keep her errant husband happy, clean the house, look after baby and get up twice a night....and they wont let her have a break from the baby unless they are in sole charge of the gorgeous little mite.  She is doing a fantastic job.  It's so hard.  God knows how this little darling is feeling....stifled and overwhelmed and most definitely out of sorts for sure!

Life here changes on a minute to minute basis. - One minute she's working at 12 - no coming in at 4 - yes you can take the baby this morning, no the husband is having him, yes this afternoon, no yia yia wants to see him,  Fed him now - no in an hour...its no wonder my daughter is having a hard time trying to set up some kind of routine.  They won't let her set up a structure, work to an adaptable plan.  It's their way or no way.  No you can't give him Gripe Water, put the microwave on to distract him from his frequent gripes.  Rock him to sleep.  Don't let him suck his thumb.  Wrap him him up for Artic weather.  Germs....on and on it goes.  It's driving me to distraction as I sit patiently watching, observing saying bugger all because it will be only bad news for her if I do...mind you my buttons can only be pressed hard for so long....

It's very evident that despite the apparent laid back tomorrow tomorrow attitude (which actually is a load of crap and totally untrue - might have been once in Greece but not anymore) everything is lived out of drama and fear - don't, no, be careful, can't, should, mustn't and a host of other unhelpful comments which leave no space to grow, dream, enjoy and just be.  It's more fearful glances, dark mutterings, old ladies spitting on my cherubic grandson's little face to oust the devil, whiskery mutterings of a bygone draconian time when goblins, spirits, devils and other malevolent creatures roamed the earth spiriting away beautiful babies....So there we have it and as I write this post I am four restaurants up the road from my grandsons family restaurant, sitting on my balcony overlooking a magnificent blue sea and listening to my little grandson gurgle happily at the shadows that are dancing through the light blanket that is covering his pram.  I spy a messenger trotting down the road to scout for baby's screaming and a reason to remove him from my care.  I reassure the perplexed scout that all is well and I haven't chopped off his toes for my dinner. I carry on writing and making my art for a lovely couple who are getting married on the beach on Monday.

I of course, am just as concerned about this divine gift from god, as he Greek Grandma is.  I keep checking him, listening to his breathing, hug him, kiss him and love him with a passion I didn't know possible.  I just do it without the drama.  I give him space to breathe, take off the layers of clothes that prevent his fat chubby little legs from having a good kick....leave him without his nappy - oh the shame of it!  I leave him to lie happily in his pram having had a good feed, a lovely burp and just let him look round, sit with his little soul, get used to the sounds, smells and sights of this amazing new world, and he's very happy to do so.  I want him to feel the soft breeze on his skin, smell the salt of the nearby ocean, hear the loud incessant shouting of the kefalonia taverna owner up the road, listen to the waves making their gentle lapping lullaby song, gurgle with the birds busy chattering in the trees and experience the delight of his brand new life, without fear, fright or constant drama.  As well as learning he can do anything he sets his mind to, be anyone he dreams of being I want him to take pride in his dual heritage, his Greek roots, his Irish Great Grandparents, his English Grandma and Grandpa.  I want him to know where he comes from, where he was made, a child of nature of sand, sea, blue sky and green green mountains.  I wish for him confidence to go anywhere, enjoy everything and have quiet self belief in whatever he chooses to do.

Above all I want him to be his own person, who makes his own decisions - and not be ruled by the debilitating emotions of shame, fear or not feeling he is enough just as he is. I hope he'll chart his own waters, unfold his own maps and not be kept down or belittled by anyone.  I have a quick peek and am rewarded by a beautiful gummy smile and a face of pure innocence unblemished by life's hardships.  He coo's and gurgles and I appreciate just how hard it is to leave him be and let him have his own little quiet time.  The temptation to pick him up is enormous - but resist I do!

I am grateful for these few hours - and hope I get more of them during the next six weeks.  I resolve to try anew every day to remain non threatening to the Greek family and hope they will be gracious enough to let me spend a little time with him each day while I am here.  I don't hold out much hope but we will see.  I must accept what is - it's different here.  I hope I can be of some help to my lovely daughter and prays that she will get the time she needs to enjoy her little son and is able to build her own strength back up.  She knows I am right here for her.  As much as I am I also know this is her life and the one she has chosen to live, with it's highs and lows and I must respect that.    But I will make a quick call to darling hubby to bring out some baby rice, bonjela, and farleys rusk just in case she might need them!  Oops time to dash I hear the Yia Yia calling for her boy to come back to her...must get inside and hide!

Beautiful Sadie and the most gorgeous baby Peo

Being our authentic selves

Olive trees fascinate me.  Always strong, even though they sometimes split.  Always steady.  Bearing fruit whatever the weather or circumstance. Steadfast. Beautiful. Authentic.

How are our lives like the Olive Tree?  Are they strong, roots deep in our dreams, growing, evolving, enriching ourselves, living in integrity and authenticity?  Or are we resigned, exhausted, restless, living a life of quiet desperation.  Or are we somewhere in between the two?

What are we depending on for our happiness and well being?  What do we need?  Do we really need it at all?

What do the material things we like to collect, really have to do with the texture, width and depth of our lives?  Where do we get most of our value from?  What denotes a sense of purpose for us?  What makes meaning for us?  Is it always authentic?  

Like the deep roots of an olive tree and the sturdy branches reaching skyward, what carries us through the roughest storms?  Will it disappear at the first big wave.  Is the life we have created, sustaining us regularly or exhausting us more often than not?  How often do we take the time to unearth ourselves, do a bit of inner excavating, a smidgen of gentle self discovery.  Why are we so nervous fearful or reluctant to find out more about what we love, what we like, what we're good at, in a nutshell why don't we find our who we really are, what makes us really tick - what our true and authentic self actually looks at?  Are we too fearful others will think us mad, sad or some other judgement which has no bearing on who we really are?  I have lots of friends who wouldn't know how to or even dream of doing any such work.  They never go to workshops, read self realization material or explore the reasons behind their behaviour .  Thats not me being judgemental  here - thats just the way some of my friends are.  They also see me as a floaty space cadet, a bit fluky, strange but loveable all the same. 

Thats fine.  I don't have any problems with their beliefs.  We're all different.  That's good.  I do however squirm a bit when they start moaning about their lot.  Especially if 'it's not fair' is voiced.  Even more so if someone is begrudging of others.  Not all my friends are like this just a few.  

On the other hand I've got a few mates who are serious chanters.  They clap in corners, dance round a bonfire and know their om padi's like a true professional.  They too are great .  They know what they love and what works for them  .  I admire them tremendously.  I don't however like being given their reasons for anything remotely bad or annoying that happens to me.  I don't want to hear 'Louise Hay says..." When I mention I have backache.  I am not overly impressed to hear Great White Bear has given them a message about my headache,  I don't want to join a sweat lodge or have rebirthing sessions or anything else that I am not interested in.  Keep it to yourself please.

So I guess I sit somewhere between the two.  Along with my same page friends who believe in shooting stars, the power of the dreams, grounded in current reality but moving towards the sublime in small steps.  I live in and with integrity, try my damn hardest not to be judgemental of myself or others and practice kindness wherever I can.  I give myself the power to dream, to believe in magical happenings, angels, and other gorgeous beings and I accept the power gratefully in being a strong courageous woman, who stands tall in quiet confidence while living a life of honesty, love, hope, healing and authenticity.  It's a tall order I aspire to.  Does it make me better than others, better than my friends?  Never.  It's my own individual road map that applies to me.  It works only for me.  It isn't right, wrong or anything else.  It just is.  I just am.  Thats all.  That's enough.

What does an authentic life look like to you?  How do you keep it on track?  Where do you get most of your value?  How do you know you are living authentically?  What are your most important needs?  Do you really need them?  Why?  Where do you get your value from most?  What makes meaning for you?  Does this denote authenticity for you?  Who knows what the answers are.  What I do know is that by asking the questions and getting our of our own way, our magnificent brain will ALWAYS come up with an answer.  It's up to us if we listen or not.  It's up to us if we act on it or not.  Would you prefer to do it or sit in comfort land where nothing changes and let life happen?......

I'll finish with this quote.  "Those who live passionately teach us how to love,  those who love passionately

                                        teach us how to live"   Sarah Ban Breathnach

As ever...your comments are greatly appreciated!

Day Five - Slowing Down

Are you holding all the crayons?  

Being here in Kefalonia with much less choice of 'things' to do, buy, investigate or overwhelm me, I am very much aware that I am looking inward more frequently and asking what really matters.  Back in the UK and now working from home, I find myself becoming distracted by all sorts of inconsequential 'stuff'.  I tell my self it is necessary to spend so much time researching all sorts of 'stuff' as it is of vital importance for my future work.  I also lie to myself.  I pretend I am really busy.

By nature I've always liked  to have two or three projects to be going on with.  I work better under stress or to a timeline.  I am, as Barbara Sher of Wishcraft fame - a typical scanner.  I am an ideas person.  I'm able and love, to jump from new idea to new idea and back again with the greatest of ease.  I need several things in the pipeline to keep my creative juices flowing.  I also become distracted very quickly and am easily persuaded to stop doing one thing and start another as in going for a very fattening double caramel extra espresso machiato.  Are you easily distracted or have a trillion things on the go?  How do you work best?

What would happen if  us scanners just focused on one thing?  When I've tried this in the past, I end up not doing anything at all of any value, achievement or purpose.  Possibly because I have no time frame in which to complete something.  I can easily put off things today, if I have a fresh non busy day tomorrow.  So whats the happy medium?  How can we have a few little projects on the go but still put down all the crayons and use just one on the project in hand?  Maybe the framework needs to change.  Perhaps if we broke the big projects down into small bite sized steps that could easily be completed, a series of small projects in wrapped up in a large one.  Maybe that might be the answer.  Possibly we need to look at our framework.  The frame/s from which we start and finish things.  The frames we construct from which to live our lives in and from.  Pick one project and keep the others in our minds eye but at the back.   Focus on the front project. 

When we think of the word 'busy' what does that mean to us individually? Does it mean ALL the time being busy?  What do we do to fill the gaps?  Why do we want the gaps filled?  What would happen if we left some gaps?  What about 'me' time?  Do you ever practice me time?  Maybe we could all stop at 11.30am every day and say now I am taking a full minute to breathe and whisper to ourselves 'I really matter'.  If we were really self nurturing we could take another minute to feel that we 'really matter'.  Then in light of feeling we matter we could ask ourselves 'What is the smallest thing that I could do today that would make the biggest difference to my life right now?'  The answer will pop up if not right away certainly at some point during the day, probably when you least expect it to.  Then, when we get the answer we could act upon it.  It will be small enough to do that.

Like this artwork - it has to dry first before adding any more stuff!

We're not talking huge here, just small steps easily completed in every project you have on the go.  Possibly no more than three projects is best for me, otherwise I jump into the jar of self sabotage.  Mind sculpting where you see, hear, feel, smell, taste the sensations of what you want to do, often helps if the actions are just too much to start with.  Anything to keep the fight/flight mechanism which sends us into overwhelm and shuts down creativity, asleep.  We can tiptoe past overwhelm and sabotage and still have several little lovelies going that we want to work on.  

In order to do the stuff we want to do, enjoy doing it, love all the crazy ideas, and juggle the lot without become despondent, desperate or overwhelmed, we must remember to ask ourselves important questions.  These questions help us believe we matter.

We have to remember to breathe.  We must create our own creative oasis.  Could we remember to ask ourselves ' how are we trying to do too much?'  Maybe we need to find out whose approval we're seeking.  What would happen if we didn't get that approval - because we rarely do.  Why do we need other people's approval anyway?  

What about the gaps?  Are we so busy trying to fill them all we become exhausted and create a whole load more?  Do we ever take time to reflect and ponder and give ourselves time to hear the answers?  What are we trying to avoid.  If we didn't avoid things, we'd have to do something about them, how would that feel?

What don't we want to see?  

As the spice girlies said 'Tell me what you want what you really really want.....what is it you really want from this one mad bad sad gorgeous life?  The answers, I think you'll find will lie in stillness.

I'll finish with some words from John O'Donohue one of my favorite authors.

"Do we actually let our imagination articulate the inner friendship which embraces nature, divinity, underworld and human world as one?"  

Is our identity so tied up with doing stuff, that we can't contemplate sitting with the loneliness of interiority? 

What could we learn if did - if only for a few precious moments?

Until tomorrow  ~  comments always appreciated!  x D

What makes something ok?

Continuing with my creative soul journey here on Kefalonia whilst enjoying the new grandma role, I had a realization as Mr M would say, and thought I would blog about it.

I had my lovely daughter round for a coffee earlier this week and as I watched her struggle with the new and strange emotions she was experiencing as a new mum, I thought about how I felt as a new Gran.  We have all sorts of fabulous books to help us do the 'right' things with babies, cots, food anything you want.  But there's very little out there about emotions and how they play havoc with your 'normal' self.

An old friend of mine from the Island also joined us and a good friend of my daughters too.  As we sat there chatting, laughing, sharing and getting rid of angst as only a close group of women can do in a light hearted way, I realized just how much women need this gathering.

I was brought up in the last throws of the coffee morning and secret sherry afternoons.  If I wrangled a day off school I was treated to the gathering of my mums friends at her house, playpen in the corner, toddlers plopped down together, babies settled in prams - usually well wrapped up and outside - and friends settling down with lots of tea, coffee or sherry if it was afternoon gathering, ready for a really good off-load.   These women instinctively formed their space, naturally gathered to share, took the soothing balm on offer from others, the sympathy, empathy and dished out their own in equal measures.

I realize now that these gatherings were more than just an opportunity to gossip.  There was real nurturing going on.  This was motivational and inspirational stuff - it just wasn't packaged like that.  These women had found their rhythm, they were in their stride and dealing with whatever life had to throw at them.  They didn't have money for therapists, treatments or the latest new age gizmo - all they had were each other and it seemed to do the trick very well.

I never had this when I became a mum.  I was determined to carry on with my business which was a cafe/restaurant at the time.  I wanted to have it all, be it all and slightly scorned my mum's stay at home lifestyle.  I wanted to give my kids everything, drama lessons, singing lessons and all the stuff I never had.  I did with my husband give them all of those things.  My son is now a fine actor/dancer and my daughter a confident young mum who has successfully run her own restaurant for several years.  But as I sat watching my daughter struggle with 'doing the right thing' for her baby, I wondered about the cost we pay for being modern mums without a safe circle to air our worries, concerns and grievances.  I know there are groups and networks but I'm talking about a place where women can just be their natural selves, warts and all.  Motherhood is full of previously unknown concerns.  I didn't know just how concerned I would feel about my daughter, she couldn't know how scared/concerned/worried she would feel about her role as a mum.  I now know my mum's friends all had the same concerns, the difference being they were able, through their little afternoon sherry sipping or morning coffee meetings, to keep their worries to a minimum - they nipped them in the bud.

Having a coffee on the terrace this day was an eyeopener for me.  I unexpectedly was given some soothing balm by my old friend.  She reassured me that she had felt exactly the same when her daughter had her first baby.  She went through much of what I had and still am feeling.  The emotional tears, hormonal outpourings and uncertain feelings.  I cant say how much better I felt just having heard that.  I was trying to be the super strong mum, grandma and all things to all people and my friend in her empathy made it very easy for me to feel ok with it all.  I am deeply grateful.  I am not alone with any of it.  I belong again.

I thought deeply about all of this when everyone had gone.  I now appreciate how fantastic my mum had been when I had both of my children.  How wise she was to let me make my own mistakes but also to be there to catch me when I wobbled.  She was kind, gentle and loving which is absolutely what I needed and what all new mums need.  I never ever considered how my mum must have been feeling.  She never let me know - she knew I had enough on my plate.  What I do know is she will have discussed her fears and worries with her friends over coffee  or a drink.  I will give my mum a big hug when I next see her.  I will tell her Thank You from the bottom of my heart.  She still has dreams my mum. She got a lot from making her dreamboard.

As I look over the calm blue ocean, I am grateful to an old friend for soothing my perplexed soul and helping me to go forward in my quest to help, nurture, inspire and share hope with other women.  So today I remind myself to honour my womanhood, listen to the whispers of my heart and to know my rhythm.  And to say thank you to a friend for helping me to feel OK.

What makes you feel OK?  What do you need to hear?  What would you like to see?  What do you need to know?  Are you in your rhythm or out of it?  What do you love and what would would help you love it more?

What is your wisest self trying to tell you?

Todays post is about listening to our wisest self... you know the self who is always with us but is often not heard.  In order to hear our wisest self, we need to stop, check in, listen and ask small internal questions which always give us an answer.  What does your wisest self look like?  How does she sound?  What does she embody?  Does she remind you of anyone?  What wise and nurturing words does she have for you?

I have done up my small journal page today with some answers my wisest self wants me to hear.

When our emotions are all over the place our wisest self/selves can help to ground us, soothe us and connect the dots.  Talking about emotions I read somewhere that they are like a string of wild horses, they can easily tear off and scatter all over the place.  Emotions need a certain amount of freedom but also need to be checked from time to time, they need to be reined in, especially if they are in danger of running amok.  They need to be nurtured and also to taught what is good for you emotionally, and what isn't.  Mastering our emotions is not an easy task, at least not for me anyhow.

Take this morning for instance.  I woke early, irritable from lack of sleep last night.  I was cold due to the superser heater running out of gas, and unsettled because my daughter has been out of sorts and a little unwell.  My back hurt and I was missing my husband as well as still having a few problems with Greek grandmother/my new grandson.  With all these different emotions flying around out of control, I was ready to pack my suitcase and fly home to the UK.  I asked a friends husband to come round to undo the blasted nut on the heater, the cats were meowing louder than ever, a dead bird was outside the back door, and I realized I had dyed my few remaining white clothes retrieved from a rat invaded suitcase at my daughters, blue.  I had put a black hat in with the wash.  Things were not going well.

I braced myself for the trip to crazy main town Argostoli for more shopping, a hair dye and some colour remover, and a new gas bottle.  Hitting the supermarket just outside Argi I decided I just couldnt face it. So I got my shopping and returned home, filling the car up with petrol and grabbing a new gas bottle on the way. Once indoors, I quickly put the blue whites in soak, fixed a quick sandwich, chucked an apple in my bag and set off again.  I was on my way to put a 'FOR SALE' sign on my old pre-eathquake house in the mountains about 30mins away. Thought I felt ok about selling.

As I started getting higher in the hills my spirits began to lift.  I stopped at the side of the road to watch two huge buzzards circling really close above me and the car.  I felt my 'wild horses' begin to calm down.  I looked down on the shimmering blue sea - an impossible colour blue - and felt my soul beginning to sing.

Calling at my house with just the goat bells and birds as background noise, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, beauty and serenity.  I nearly cried it was so deep, so touching and just wonderful.  I don't think I want to sell it!

 After spending several minutes just sitting and enjoying the peace, I decided to move on through the mountains, pick up the coast road and go on to a favorite seaside place for a coffee.  The joy being the empty roads, magnificent snow capped mountains, and the sparkling clear blue sea.  I passed a Greek Mountain man herding his goats - unusually good looking I mused, it must be the sun and me missing my husband...my spirits were definitely lifted as I continue the drive!  The wild horses weren't so wild now.

Having gone from an emotional wreck this morning to reconsidering coming back more permanently to Kefalonia, I knew I needed to ask some deep questions of my wisest self.  What would I do?  How could I live here without a sense of belonging which I have never felt I have experienced?  Could I live quite a singular existence?  Would I earn a living?  Where would we get the money from to do up the house?  Can I let the house go or is something waiting for me in the wings?  I know I can never let go of wanting to open a healing space, a creative place for women to come and just be.  Be themselves, be enough, be rejuvenated, be relaxed and be loved.    Wow what a difference in mood.

I enjoy my coffee, write this post, read some John O'Donohue and feel really warm sun on my skin.  It is bliss. I can't believe this is Feb in Kefalonia.  Has the past week really been that bad, I ask myself.  Where have I been passing judgments?  When have I forgotten to take myself lightly?  What is so bad about being alone with myself?  I ponder these questions as I leave beautiful little Agia Efimia and make my way back.

I've passed several old chaps walking on the mountain roads and I waved and smiled to all of them - they ALL smiled and waved back - this has never happened to me before on Kefalonia.  It is a game I play - see how many people you can get to wave or smile.  I've had 100% hit rate today - fantastic!  It just gets better.

Not wanting this gorgeous day to end I call down to the near  deserted port of Poros and admire a lone fisherman sitting on plastic chair.  I would like to interview him but my Greek just isn't good enough so I take a picture instead.  This has been an amazing day of wonder and beauty.  I had no idea it would be so brilliant when I woke up.  This is DAY TWO of my Creative Soul Journey and it's been wonderful.  My wild horses are now firmly tethered ready for rest and sleep.  My wisest self will visit me later when I open the door with my most urgent questions.  I have lived part of my dream today and for that I am truly blessed and grateful.
Now I just need to remember this process of reigning in my emotions before I allow them to charge out of control.  I can remind myself to check in regularly and give myself a little 30 second window to ask the important questions.  Answers will come.  My mind will be pacified if not nurtured to a kinder place.  I will remind myself to laugh more, play often and go lightly.

What do you do when you want to master your emotions.  What's your wisest self trying to tell you?
What part of your dream are you already living?  Do share!

Twenty One Day Creative Soul Journey

I am in Kefalonia - Island of Dreams, Delusions and Drama!  I have come to see my beautiful daughter, her brand new baby, my first grandson and to revisit my past on this stunningly gorgeous island.  My son has been with me for the first week.  It was wonderful.  It has been an emotional roller-coaster, one I haven't fully been able to ride with ease.  Does one ever ride an emotional roller-coaster with ease?

I am a woman who operates from a place of honesty, a place of basic necessity.  With me what you see is what you get.  I'm not great with mind games, intrigue, manipulation or needing to be right/center stage/best.  I try to concede with good grace.  This first week I have had to face all of the previously mentioned stuff.  It hasn't been easy.  I have had to, for the sake of my daughter, understand the whole Greek Grandmother knows best.  The forty days thing - I don't have 40 days here with my daughter.  I thought I would be a huge help.  I'm not.  She has her husbands family around every day.

I am really unsure what exactly my role is here.  My husband wants me to come home.  I know I have to stay - I'm just not sure exactly why, but I am staying for the month.  I know I can be the quiet support my gorgeous daughter needs.  The loving arms in the background with no judgement attached to the hands.  I know I can offer her a safe haven if she chooses to use it, if only for a tiny moment in this new and wondrous journey of hers.  I have run the gauntlet of emotions this past week - huge highs where my heart has felt like it would burst with love, with appreciation of the beauty of this place, of pride in seeing my daughter grow into a marvelous mother, in joy at my son's quiet but strong demeanor, his reassuring presence and his grounding energy.

I have felt lonely, painfully alone, missing my husband and the warmth of my UK home.  I have also felt a pure peace, writing, journaling, painting whilst looking an impossibly blue sea, tiny fishing boats on the vast ocean and the lure of the next island beckoning on the almost touchable island opposite.  I haven't slept well, yet on one occasion have slept the deepest sleep I've had in ages.  This is a strange and bewitching island and just when you think you can't stand another minute of stubborn island life, something amazing happens and everything changes.  It just add's to my emotional confusion.  That said I must not forget why I have come.  Last night was magical.  I fed my little grandson and laid him on my ample bosom!  He slept happy and contented for the next three hours until I left for home.  What a beautiful and touching few hours that was.

And so, putting everything else aside.  I have decided to make good use of the next 21 days and walk my own Creative Soul Journey.  I will be journaling, art making, poetry writing and taking photos of anything that is relevant, inspiring, soul feeding and good for my creative soul.  I hope you will join me....

Today is DAY ONE:  My journal entry is entitled 'What do I Need for the next 21 Days'  Please feel free to join me on a day or several days and post your own thoughts, pictures and comments I will honor them as though they were my own....

So I'll ask you my question..."What do YOU need in your life to feel complete/at ease/content/happy/motivated or any other feeling you want to feel?"   Post your answers and lets see what we need as 'human beans all in the can together!'
Happy Days   x D  

Another late night by accident.

I didn't intend another late night - I was feeling tired.  My friend Pattie - 100% pure uber 74yr old superwoman popped round to tell me more of her forthcoming Australian trek, with a bit of Dubai chucked in and we ended up pouring over our life experiences and the men we share our lives with....say no more - half a bottle of red later (Pats not me sadly) and we're still chewing the cud at midnight.


I just came in after she left say goodnight to my right hand woman (computer) and before I know it, I am on blogger fiddling around for far too long with the site and felt duly obliged to write something as I haven't for ages.


Despite the fact I have virtually a whole new website to finish and tons of other really important stuff like telling anyone who might be interested in a little 1:1 r&r/creativity/healing/reflection/whatever you need retreat during the last two weeks of Jan and first two weeks of Feb on the utterly beautiful Greek Island of Kefalonia, no tourists, untouched beaches, not much sun I grant you but back into the pure rawness of nature - its soul feeding stuff...where was I?  


Oh yes despite all of the above needing doing, a million other zingy wild creative dreams, books to write, projects to start, vision board/life map to do, workshops to finalize - what do I do?  Go on facebook, go on blogger, mess about and now its nearly 1.30am and I am not tired.  Well I am going to bed regardless.


My next post was meant to be deep meaningful rich, thought provoking and wise....instead I am rambling, incoherent and don't really know what on earth I am saying.  Hey ho - sleep deprivation does that to a middle aged woman with a bad back.  New day tomorrow.


Ponderous question....How can you use artful ways to own your inner voice?


Answer....Check out Lucia Cappachione/Anna Halprin/Willowning on You Tube ...oh yes and ask yourself that question when you are brushing your teeth or washing your breakfast dishes...the answer  will as if by magic appear at some stage during the day - get out of your own way and just let it happen.  Ok bye bye for now and goodnight x