Twenty One Day Creative Soul Journey

I am in Kefalonia - Island of Dreams, Delusions and Drama!  I have come to see my beautiful daughter, her brand new baby, my first grandson and to revisit my past on this stunningly gorgeous island.  My son has been with me for the first week.  It was wonderful.  It has been an emotional roller-coaster, one I haven't fully been able to ride with ease.  Does one ever ride an emotional roller-coaster with ease?

I am a woman who operates from a place of honesty, a place of basic necessity.  With me what you see is what you get.  I'm not great with mind games, intrigue, manipulation or needing to be right/center stage/best.  I try to concede with good grace.  This first week I have had to face all of the previously mentioned stuff.  It hasn't been easy.  I have had to, for the sake of my daughter, understand the whole Greek Grandmother knows best.  The forty days thing - I don't have 40 days here with my daughter.  I thought I would be a huge help.  I'm not.  She has her husbands family around every day.

I am really unsure what exactly my role is here.  My husband wants me to come home.  I know I have to stay - I'm just not sure exactly why, but I am staying for the month.  I know I can be the quiet support my gorgeous daughter needs.  The loving arms in the background with no judgement attached to the hands.  I know I can offer her a safe haven if she chooses to use it, if only for a tiny moment in this new and wondrous journey of hers.  I have run the gauntlet of emotions this past week - huge highs where my heart has felt like it would burst with love, with appreciation of the beauty of this place, of pride in seeing my daughter grow into a marvelous mother, in joy at my son's quiet but strong demeanor, his reassuring presence and his grounding energy.

I have felt lonely, painfully alone, missing my husband and the warmth of my UK home.  I have also felt a pure peace, writing, journaling, painting whilst looking an impossibly blue sea, tiny fishing boats on the vast ocean and the lure of the next island beckoning on the almost touchable island opposite.  I haven't slept well, yet on one occasion have slept the deepest sleep I've had in ages.  This is a strange and bewitching island and just when you think you can't stand another minute of stubborn island life, something amazing happens and everything changes.  It just add's to my emotional confusion.  That said I must not forget why I have come.  Last night was magical.  I fed my little grandson and laid him on my ample bosom!  He slept happy and contented for the next three hours until I left for home.  What a beautiful and touching few hours that was.

And so, putting everything else aside.  I have decided to make good use of the next 21 days and walk my own Creative Soul Journey.  I will be journaling, art making, poetry writing and taking photos of anything that is relevant, inspiring, soul feeding and good for my creative soul.  I hope you will join me....

Today is DAY ONE:  My journal entry is entitled 'What do I Need for the next 21 Days'  Please feel free to join me on a day or several days and post your own thoughts, pictures and comments I will honor them as though they were my own....

So I'll ask you my question..."What do YOU need in your life to feel complete/at ease/content/happy/motivated or any other feeling you want to feel?"   Post your answers and lets see what we need as 'human beans all in the can together!'
Happy Days   x D  

Connecting with my 'Soul'

What a strange little card this one is....I have recently started using this really beautiful Soul Cards by Deborah Koff-Chapin, instead of my normal Runes.  I am loving them and find them surprisingly easy to read.  I didn't think I would as there is no explanation with them.  That said I went with the flow, trusted my intuition and am finding them just wonderful.....until this one came up!

I'm not sure at all about this.  I don't really care for the face, which that statement in itself tells me I need to have a little self enquiry session.  I feel it is a saintly spiritual card and the word Emergence comes to my mind quite strongly.  I find the hands disturbing - they denote to me Male Hands perhaps my male energy is helping me emerge from a vulnerable fragile place that I feel I have been for some months now.  It could be I am to allow a male figure to help me.  I will keep an open mind on this.

The eyes keep telling me Cat for some reason.  I will ponder it.  All in all it is quite a warm card which I feel advises me to listen to small flashes of wisdom which pop up on a regular basis.  I think I need to sit with this for a while longer.  Then I will do my best to journal my thoughts.

I didn't sleep last night much and felt very teary when I went to sleep.  Tears I guess are cleansing.  I don't do tears well.  I don't do vulnerable and fragile well.  I have had moments of real fuck off anger today followed by sad weepy slush.  Most bizarre.  It was therapeutic for me to write my very feeling mid-life hormonal blog last night but immediately felt really guilty that I wasn't the normal 'supermum' star that I normally see myself as.  It felt odd.  I cried again.

Today someone commented.  I was scared.  It was fine.  In fact it was better than fine it was wonderful.  Thank you Sue.  A divine woman whose blog 'the occasional adventures of Betty' is great itself.  Her words were like soul balm.  I am not very good at accepting balm.  I think I need practice.  I will get better at it.  I am still pondering this whole Grandma thing.  I feel it will be a big ponder.  That is OK.  So just a short one tonight but a post none the less.  We will see how this amazing unknown future journey will evolve....its all good.